End of the World

Well, it's my end for the whole world.

For some unknown reasons, I've been having frequent but weak heart attacks. Well, it does hurt, and it hits me when I least expect it to be. Cruel fate, right? Having a hell of a life, having no real friends, having everyone hate you, and having this burden you call a disease, what a slack-off I am, living a luxurious life full of nothing but bullshit.

Oh, don't go lecturing me about me being pessimistic or bullshit, because the hell I won't listen. I have no reason to change. My life's a living hell, and in that hell, how could you be so damned optimistic? Sorry, living those nightmares for 16 long years doesn't help improve one's optimism, let alone mine. Oh, don't get the wrong idea that I'm not completely optimistic. I'm optimistic in a sense that I would be expecting a beautiful funeral, and the pessimistic part, no one would bother to attend. If they do, they'll throw me a feign cry.

I may be in no position to say that my life is worse than anyone else, because I'm still alive and haven't lived half of my life [I don't know. Because I could die any moment, so the 'half' thing is really a variable] yet.

The reason I've been so damned pessimistic is because of one person who ripped my heart into shreds. Not that I mind though, but it hurts really bad when it hits you. Well, I never fought back, actually. I shrugged it off. And the poor fella doesn't know that what he's doing's killing me slowly. Oh, so you want my slow and painful death? Be my guest.

The reason I've tried to be so cold to everyone whom I met in the past 16 years is because they were the reason for my life being a living nightmare and my school being my hell hole. Should there be any reason? Well, I can't think of any other reason. Let's just say being locked up in your own room for 14 years doesn't help improve social awareness. Yeah, maybe I do lck social awareness, but I wouldn't need it in the near future, because I do not plan on going back to my past. I'll leave it behind. Let it haunt me, I don't care. Even if they haunt me to death, I won't care. It doesn't matter because dying isn't a big deal anymore. There's always pain, and I've become numb of the continuous pain inflicted upon me.

Now, the violent mood swings. I've been having frequent mood swings. It's because of the heat. I remember what I'm doing, but I can't control it when I'm angry. Trust me, I had a word fight with someone, and the two poor fellas left. They lost to me. They were so blinded by rage that they didn't know what they are saying [and beleive me, they are contradicting themselves] and so, I went with the word fights.

Now, Rejoice everyone! My nightmare's about to end... and the bigger nightmare's about to begin, my eternal suffering.