Shining River

An Almost Pleasant Evening to everyone

Let us start this mournful evening with a little poem, courtesy of yours trully.

Unrequitted

As I go on this lone journey
I can't help but look so sad
Not because of what I left behind
But because of what I am to face

Should I move my feet forward
And hope for a bright tomorrow
Despite the null possibility
of it being a happy ending

Should I shed my tears away
While I move farther down the road
Why leave a trail of painful tears
When there is none whom will follow?

Should I sit and rest along the way
Am I worthy enough for that?
If not then it'll be fine
Because pain and torment became my strength

Should I grow weak through the journey
At least on the way I have learned
That these feelings I hold for someone
Would never be returned... for it is unrequitted...

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Sorry, I just feel depressed... Seriously. I'm crying for  a freaking 4 hours... Who can forget someone who's on tv every freaking 5 minutes and your classmate [inevitably] and has all his signs everywhere near you? He's being arrogant... insensitive... inconsiderate... antisocial... jackass... pain in the neck... bastard... piece of shit. I can't bear it anymore! I love the guy, ok! I can't hold the tears anymore. I want to die! I want to die so bad so that I couldn't think of that guy anymore! If I wanted to feel myself better, why use drugs? I go to this site, fake myself into being the bullshit bitch that I am, and showing my freaking idiotic self into every piece of walking human beings sitting their asses in front of the computer. I wanted to change myself, even for some time, so I go to this site... sadly nothing matters anymore...

Yes, nothing matters anymore... I just visit anyway... It's not like I'm that important... I'm only in the background. If you could please be so kind to let these tears flow from my red and soar eyes so that I could die from blood loss. It's not like I'll be living a long life anyway...

I want to cry all these tears so that pain would go away, but I learned that I couldn't. After pouring every single drop of my tears into this pillow the pain will still be there. It's a fact, that is unbreakable by time. Even if I tried to forget, I'm pushing myself into beleiveing a promise of a better life. No. That is too much to ask for someone as miserable as me. Not everyone deserves a chance for a bright future, yes, another fact. It seems to me that I am also a black beast, denied of my tomorrow. But who was to blame?

Nobody... I could only blame no one but myself. I blame myself for beleiving a fantasy of having a good life with someone I love. No. The truth, even if it's as bitter as it should be, is that I am destined, bound, and forced to live my life in total darkness, in emptiness, and in solitude. Let this be my last heartache, even if after this I might die or come to the final decision. The final decision, being the one with the greater weight. I have to live through this road on my own - no friends, no family, no one... not even love.