Crushed.

Before anything else, I would like to tell my story.

Back in highschool, I was always closed to myself. I am not that close to anyone. Why is it? It is because of my childhood. When I was young I wasn't allowed to go out of my room. All I did was study and study. No play. That's also the reason why I don't know much child games. That's also the reason why I am so distant to everyone around me. I've lived so long in that kind of life until I stepped to high school. Still my lifestyle was the same, but the thing is, I'm more free than I was back then. Still, there is 'me' and there is 'them' and a barrier between the two. I tried meddling with them, although I have no idea how to. And I was shoved off, or implicitely ignored. Anyway, It didn't bother me at first, since it wasn't really a big deal for me. But, as I progress, there were imbeciles who are closed-minded and know only of perfection. I don't really know what's their problem, but they kept on making my life a living hell. I didn't fight, because I don't want them to end up dead.

But that's beside the topic right now. What I'm going to say about is my relation with someone I known for almost 3 years now. He was a classmate of mine since my junior years. I wasn't really close to anyone yet, but I recognized this fellow as an enemy. He and his social friends were always picking on me. I don't really know what's their problem. I'm not doing anything with them. Hell, did I say I'm distant? Distant meaning I have my own life and I don't interact with them unless they interact with me first. It's been like that. Anyway, he was always kicking my ass, not in the literal sense. I don't really care back then.

Then there came my senior years. Yes, it was fun. At least I had less troubles than I had the previous years. Anyway, he was my classmate - again. It's not that I'm complaining, i just didn't pay much attention. Oh, a little information. We were 29 in class, 9 boys and the rest are girls. This is the only class that has that low number of males. And since we are low in number, we tend to be close to each other. Even in CAT [trust me, CAT is unenjoyable. We had to write and write like shit, and even do jobs NSO are supposed to do], we managed to group ourselves together. If there was a chance, we would always go together. Always. In recess, we all go down the same time. It was then that I felt a good company. It was good while it lasted, though.

Then there came the class's open forum. I announced to everyone that I really hated when he [let's call him dragon, k?] blames me for his mistakes and everything wrong happening to him. And so he apologized. Then we became friends. It was really unexpected, but I'm glad that he turned out to be nice. LET ME TELL YOU, THE DRAGON IS NICE! He's kind and gentle. And in graduation, that's what I last heard him speak, and it was words of farewell... Sad, isn't it? Well, that's life - it sucks.

NOw that college came, I was happy. I was expecting a fresh start, not something I would write as a sequel to that hell hole dusguised as a science high school. I saw him again, but he doesn't smile anymore. It was painful.

I had only 3 people to talk to back then, Dragon, My friend Ovid, and my room mate Zilin. The four of us were classmates back in the senior days, so we were practically close. Dragon was anti-social and arrogant in college, I don't see Ovid pretty much often, so that leaves me with Zilin to talk to. But, he was such a good adviser. He's there when I cry, when I am happy. He had witnessed my near demise, and he was there to help me. I could've only imagined dragon would do the same. Zilin was frantic when I was so hot because of fever [turns out I have dengue plus typhoid, leaving me with 40C] and shaking madly like hell. Anyway, what made me cry was the Dragon. He was always so near, yet so far. I DO HOPE YOU GUYS ARE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

He said, according to my friend Ovid, that in college he would really change his style. I didn't expect him to be so arrogant and antisocial, a total opposite of what he was back in high school. What pained me more was the fact that he's completely ignoring me.  I felt something important was lost to me. That then, I felt it. It was love. I was in love with him, my dragon. I fell in love with my dragon.

And so I placed it in my heart. I did everything with passion so that my dragon would one day recognize me, or at the most, accept me or love me in return. I am not really hoping that he would return my love, because it hurts to expect, yet, you can't blame me for falling in love, right? Falling in love is never a choice, nor a matter of opinion; it is a matter of chance. You can't help who you fall in love with. And if there is someone who's not happy with that, then they are selfish idiots who know nothing of what it feels like to be in your shoes.

And so, as I continue to live my life within this agony of mine, I'll hope that one day, I could be with my dragon completely. I love you, my dragon, and I hope you know that... That I'm willing to die for you, writhe in your pain, endluge myself in the cruel paradise that's waiting for me, just as long as I know you will love me.

I love you...