Earlier this morning I have felt a very serious wave of unlucky-ness that I had hopefully asked for my feeling to be wrong. Even though yesterday was supposed to be my birthday, it did not excused me for the colossal holocaust that was bound to happen to this day forward.
Needless to say that it did not make me any happier than I am, and that is saying a lot.
I do not know why, but I feel this strong intuition that there is someone out there, someone close, that is always at beck and call whenever there is a need to prove me wrong, even if it is fucking 100% right. Even if I'm supposed to not-give-a-damn or disprove their "trying to disprove me" theory, I just keep myself quiet and let them feel their false victory. I mean, you can't blame me if I can control my emotions. You cannot blame me if I'm so forgiving.
Wrong.
I'm very unforgiving, I'm very vengeful, I'm very sadistic, and as a sugar-coated cherry on the top of the ice cream, I'm downright evil. I'm just coating it with a silent face. Maybe you could say that I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing. Well, I don't care.
I don't know if I'm able to keep this facade any longer. If I'm not so considerate of others feelings I would've dealt with it the old way - removing them from the face of the earth without any emotions attached. I could still remember the day when I impaled a pen on my class mate's leg, and that was when I was six years old.
Hah, sweet memories.
From now on, I shall keep my emotions at bay. Why? Because I am sure that whatever my reactions about to and for people would instantly send them to thinking. As if I care.
Yeah, I do care. I cry everyday about it.
Pfft. As if. I haven't cried in two years.
Surely an egoistical, self-centered, know-it-all elitist-ish being would fathom what he/she thinks he/she could swallow, even if you end up eating other's portion, or choking out yourself.
A big sigh please? Thank you.
I'm 19 on the 19th?
Well, good grief I'm already 19. From this day onward, I'm officially one step closer to being an adult, not that it matters or as if I do care. What matters was what happened this day. I had so much fun being greeted at by my friends, even if I did not had the capability to buy myself a banquet for a lot of people.
Anyway, I'm going to be soooo dead the next morning.
Anyway, I'm going to be soooo dead the next morning.
Windows Se7en Ultimate
It was only yesterday that I've managed to set up my PC to run Windows se7en. Needless to say, I'm quite enjoying myself with the new features it has. The following are the ones I've tried already:
By the way, I've written this entry with my speech program that's built in the OS.
- Voice-activated commands. You'd think this is old school, but no. I've managed to type a whole page of a story with just me saying it! It's really cool. Plus, I could command the computer to do a lot of things. :D
- Biometric security. This is really freakin' cool. I mean, you can set up your computer so that no one but you can access your computer. It utilizes your fingerprint. :D
- Touch Screen response. It makes your PC look like iPod touch... but it loses to...
- overall look of the system.
By the way, I've written this entry with my speech program that's built in the OS.
Madam Auring... Me Asim Pa? EWWWWWWWWWW!
Like, I was totally disturbed last night when my room mate turned on his radio and right away did we heard the voice of the queen of the damned (Damned queen, take your pick). She was the guest of that night, and hopefully stays that night alone.
During the course of the discussion, we have heard her saying something along this line:
MA: Me nakikita akong Sinag.
DJ: Ano pong sinag? Fluorescent po ba o bulb?
MA: Ung Sinag talaga.
DJ: Ah, so hindi talaga fluorescent
MA: Tapos nakita ko si Jesus...
... And that's where I placed the punchline, "Sinunsundo na kasi siya" And of course, we had the ROTFLLOLZWUT (Rolling on the Floor Laughing lolzwut).
Then on another part:
DJ: So Madam Auring, me asim pa po ba kayo?
MA: OO naman.
... and we determined the sourness. First we tested it with Kamias, no luck. We then settled with Sampaloc since it is both very sour and totally crispy. Then we had a conversation aftwerwards:
Inoch: Pano kaya siya no? Kelangan ng madaming lubricant... (tawa c cheezliz)
ShiningRiver: Hindi lubricant lang ang kelangan don...
Inoch & Cheezliz: ano?
ShiningRiver: Ano nga uli tawag dun? Ah! Prongs. (Tawa si Cheezliz at Inoch). Tapos kelangang maraming oil kasi baka mag-snap. (Halakhak na kami).
AS a finale, I would like to present Madam Auring's Single: May Asim Pa Ako:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acGU-5amo2o
Like I said, eww.
A Not-So-Very White Christmas
Well, this would be the very big knockout of the century. How did I spend my white christmas without snow? Isn't white a color of a paint? Well, let's just say that my walls are painted white... still I'm spending a 'white christmas'.
Pardon me for my actions. I'm feeling very uneasy. It seems that I am sick today. I am sincerely hoping that I do not repeat the sickness in the following years. I've been having this sickness since early November, and it keeps on coming back.
Sigh. The very best way to spend Christmas was to be active, and here I am, bedridden.
Still, it won't stop me from spending my holidays 100%.
You know, I've been very concerned about my room mate. He told me he didn't went home this holiday (IOW, he's been in the room ever since the start of classes, and I could barely recall him going home). So, I'm trying my best to wish him a merry holiday. I'd do my best to make him smile when I return. I feel sad for him... though I don't really know why he decided to stay.
Anyway, a Joyful Holiday to you all!
It's the Cupid's Fault, like always.
Well, hopefully this post would not be about me. That is saying much, I can promise you.
Anyway, just recently I have witnessed a close friend of mine having the heartbreak of the century (well, the recent one... since I don't keep track of his lovelife... Like it matters to me). To make my feelings summarized, I was both sad and pissed. Sad because he's going through a rough time. Pissed since I can't understand his exact situation (because whenever I hear things, I hear the complete opposite a while later).
He said that he's not 'bitter', per se, but in reality I do not think so. I mean, if you don't give a damn, why cry? Of course there were times that I cried, but that was a year ago. I haven't cried about love in like... a century ago or something. I could joke around my lovelife like it's nothing, but in reality it means a whole lot to me. I just know how to deal with it.
...And I think he [my friend] doesn't know how to deal with it 'exactly'.
After the tearful session (and I wasn't included in the tears... yay), he was cursing like hell. I say with certainty that this is not the first time I have heard him cuss like that. Still doesn't make me feel any safe... though I could defend myself, I just don't want to (any offering of comfort and security are severely welcomed. Just apply to me, and we'll see.) I don't really think it is normal to be destructive when you feel depressed about love. I positively think that one should be fine with sulking. Sulking is a passive, non-destructive way to deal with problems... and cussing is a passive, semi-destructive way to deal with problems. Then there's the ultimatum: Massacre is an active, ultra-destructive way to deal with problems... and torture would just be the icing on the cake.
Enough with the cake... it makes me so hungry.
At least after that event, I haven't heard him talking about it. As if it matters to me. It does, but I don't try to mingle with the problems, especially in depressions. I'd most probably say "Come, let's do a slashaton. I'll get the chainsaw. Choose your weapon!"
So let's go to my problem. Is it just me, or Cupid hates me like I hate worms, which is saying a lot? I mean, people say that those I love are commonly unreachable. I don't know... did it become a prerequisite for me to love? I cannot say. So what if it makes me the north pole to my beloved south pole? So what if the galaxy's not the only space between us? I don't care. I've already binded myself with one person, even if that person does not give a damn. At least we have a thing in common. It just makes me think of one long line in a story I read:
See? It's really long. It's also meaningful, right? Quite summarizes what I want to say.
Hope you enjoy reading my post. Till next time :D
Anyway, just recently I have witnessed a close friend of mine having the heartbreak of the century (well, the recent one... since I don't keep track of his lovelife... Like it matters to me). To make my feelings summarized, I was both sad and pissed. Sad because he's going through a rough time. Pissed since I can't understand his exact situation (because whenever I hear things, I hear the complete opposite a while later).
He said that he's not 'bitter', per se, but in reality I do not think so. I mean, if you don't give a damn, why cry? Of course there were times that I cried, but that was a year ago. I haven't cried about love in like... a century ago or something. I could joke around my lovelife like it's nothing, but in reality it means a whole lot to me. I just know how to deal with it.
...And I think he [my friend] doesn't know how to deal with it 'exactly'.
After the tearful session (and I wasn't included in the tears... yay), he was cursing like hell. I say with certainty that this is not the first time I have heard him cuss like that. Still doesn't make me feel any safe... though I could defend myself, I just don't want to (any offering of comfort and security are severely welcomed. Just apply to me, and we'll see.) I don't really think it is normal to be destructive when you feel depressed about love. I positively think that one should be fine with sulking. Sulking is a passive, non-destructive way to deal with problems... and cussing is a passive, semi-destructive way to deal with problems. Then there's the ultimatum: Massacre is an active, ultra-destructive way to deal with problems... and torture would just be the icing on the cake.
Enough with the cake... it makes me so hungry.
At least after that event, I haven't heard him talking about it. As if it matters to me. It does, but I don't try to mingle with the problems, especially in depressions. I'd most probably say "Come, let's do a slashaton. I'll get the chainsaw. Choose your weapon!"
So let's go to my problem. Is it just me, or Cupid hates me like I hate worms, which is saying a lot? I mean, people say that those I love are commonly unreachable. I don't know... did it become a prerequisite for me to love? I cannot say. So what if it makes me the north pole to my beloved south pole? So what if the galaxy's not the only space between us? I don't care. I've already binded myself with one person, even if that person does not give a damn. At least we have a thing in common. It just makes me think of one long line in a story I read:
"You're scared, but I'll be here for you. Please, let me be the one to hold your
hand through the way. Let me be the one to stand by your side through the good
and the bad. Through the hard times and good times, I'll never abandon you. I
know there is little that I can offer you... since I know you hate me. It must
be irritating to have to see the one you hate so much each and every day, and if
you want, I'll even make it so that you won't have to see my face. You won't
have to hear my voice. But I'll stay close by, guarding you like an angel. You
can yell at me, and scold me all you want if it helps you. You can continue to
scream the hurtful and painful words to me until there is nothing left to say. I
stay. I'll listen. I won't talk back. I'll be like a good and obedient dog
tending to my master. Tell me you want to see me struck by lightening. Tell me
that you want to see me freeze under the cold snow. Tell me you want to see me
whipped until blood drips from my mouth. Tell me that you wish someone would run
me over with a car... with a bus... with a truck. Tell me that you want to shoot
me with a gun. Tell me that you want to pierce my heart with a stake while I
sleep. I'll love it if it's all that you could say to me. It'll be all that you
have to say to me. You don't have to say anything nice to me. You can say
whatever you like, and I'll make it all that I need to hear. I won't cry... I
won't throw you out. I'll take it. I'll live through all of it. Chastise me with
words of hate, and I'll make you everything that I have. You will be my whole
world, my cruel paradise of anguish and pain. Just as long as you are near by,
I'll be fine. Break me with words that would tear a wild stallion to pieces.
Stay with me. I'll worship you until the day God judges the world. You will be
all that I have."
See? It's really long. It's also meaningful, right? Quite summarizes what I want to say.
Hope you enjoy reading my post. Till next time :D
Sai's Business Unusual
Hah, the title's a pun, actually.
Anyway, yesterday I have set up my business. I plan on offering computer-related services. I got my first job yesterday. It was fun to do so, actually, though painstaking.
I hope I get more the following year.
Anyway, yesterday I have set up my business. I plan on offering computer-related services. I got my first job yesterday. It was fun to do so, actually, though painstaking.
I hope I get more the following year.
A Fated Meeting
I was sleeping so soundly when I felt something resting on me. I slowly opened my eyes to see my dad put my things on my stomach. I said, "What the hell?" He just shrugged and said, "Your grandmother's outside. Go greet her." And so I did.
After greeting her, I ate some noodles. We then went to Max's (It's a restaurant) and went to see my cousin for the first time.
Well, I was a little shocked, though. I mean, he's supposed to be Canadian and all (well, he does have the white skin and semi-blond hair and all), but he doesn't look like much. Just a common foreigner. He wasn't even that talkative! I was having a hard time dealing with him because I'm not used to meet new people... although he's literally my cousin.
Anyway, after that, I went home, and they went their own way. Sadly, I haven't been able to interact with my cousin. Sigh. I was expecting to get along well.
After greeting her, I ate some noodles. We then went to Max's (It's a restaurant) and went to see my cousin for the first time.
Well, I was a little shocked, though. I mean, he's supposed to be Canadian and all (well, he does have the white skin and semi-blond hair and all), but he doesn't look like much. Just a common foreigner. He wasn't even that talkative! I was having a hard time dealing with him because I'm not used to meet new people... although he's literally my cousin.
Anyway, after that, I went home, and they went their own way. Sadly, I haven't been able to interact with my cousin. Sigh. I was expecting to get along well.
Finally!
So finally I have chosen what blog to use as my, well, blog. I resorted to Blogger. Haha. I didn't actually expect myself to use this. At any case, it's already there, so there.
I'm going to import my other posts from my old blogs and post it here. Hopefully I would be able to clean up this blog. Thanks for that.
Anyway, please do visit my site. Here's the link:
http://shiningriver.cwahi.net
Be sure to check it out, okay?
I'm going to import my other posts from my old blogs and post it here. Hopefully I would be able to clean up this blog. Thanks for that.
Anyway, please do visit my site. Here's the link:
http://shiningriver.cwahi.net
Be sure to check it out, okay?
I Dreamt again
I do not know if I would be happy or not because of this dream... Seriously.
This morning I woke up from a dream. I dreamt of him (him being my highschool classmate) and I in a room. Well, I was talking about something I was holding (which I vaguely remember, but I was sure it was black and something debatable). I recall talking about it and then he went beside me to take a look. THen I point something on that thing to him, and told him some things. THen, he moved close (at this point, my head is leaning on his shoulders due to the closeness), and so he talks his opinion. We then had a lengthy discussion of which I don't really remember much.
Pity, really.
The point is, I am happy that at least in that dream, we were able to be close... well, at least that close. Too bad it was just a dream. If it weren't, I'd be the happiest person on earth.
Why is that?
Simple. Because the person I love, who so happens to be the one in my dream, is the person that is farthest from me. It pains me gravely. It is like cancer - silent yet you know it will eventually kill you if left uncured. In my case, my cure is his love, which I am still deprived off.
This morning I woke up from a dream. I dreamt of him (him being my highschool classmate) and I in a room. Well, I was talking about something I was holding (which I vaguely remember, but I was sure it was black and something debatable). I recall talking about it and then he went beside me to take a look. THen I point something on that thing to him, and told him some things. THen, he moved close (at this point, my head is leaning on his shoulders due to the closeness), and so he talks his opinion. We then had a lengthy discussion of which I don't really remember much.
Pity, really.
The point is, I am happy that at least in that dream, we were able to be close... well, at least that close. Too bad it was just a dream. If it weren't, I'd be the happiest person on earth.
Why is that?
Simple. Because the person I love, who so happens to be the one in my dream, is the person that is farthest from me. It pains me gravely. It is like cancer - silent yet you know it will eventually kill you if left uncured. In my case, my cure is his love, which I am still deprived off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- Sai Hikawa
- Hi, I'm Sai. Welcome to my blog. This blog contains all codings I've done over the course of my college life. >.< All of them are copyrighted, so please DO NOT OWN!