Anyway, just recently I have witnessed a close friend of mine having the heartbreak of the century (well, the recent one... since I don't keep track of his lovelife... Like it matters to me). To make my feelings summarized, I was both sad and pissed. Sad because he's going through a rough time. Pissed since I can't understand his exact situation (because whenever I hear things, I hear the complete opposite a while later).
He said that he's not 'bitter', per se, but in reality I do not think so. I mean, if you don't give a damn, why cry? Of course there were times that I cried, but that was a year ago. I haven't cried about love in like... a century ago or something. I could joke around my lovelife like it's nothing, but in reality it means a whole lot to me. I just know how to deal with it.
...And I think he [my friend] doesn't know how to deal with it 'exactly'.
After the tearful session (and I wasn't included in the tears... yay), he was cursing like hell. I say with certainty that this is not the first time I have heard him cuss like that. Still doesn't make me feel any safe... though I could defend myself, I just don't want to (any offering of comfort and security are severely welcomed. Just apply to me, and we'll see.) I don't really think it is normal to be destructive when you feel depressed about love. I positively think that one should be fine with sulking. Sulking is a passive, non-destructive way to deal with problems... and cussing is a passive, semi-destructive way to deal with problems. Then there's the ultimatum: Massacre is an active, ultra-destructive way to deal with problems... and torture would just be the icing on the cake.
Enough with the cake... it makes me so hungry.
At least after that event, I haven't heard him talking about it. As if it matters to me. It does, but I don't try to mingle with the problems, especially in depressions. I'd most probably say "Come, let's do a slashaton. I'll get the chainsaw. Choose your weapon!"
So let's go to my problem. Is it just me, or Cupid hates me like I hate worms, which is saying a lot? I mean, people say that those I love are commonly unreachable. I don't know... did it become a prerequisite for me to love? I cannot say. So what if it makes me the north pole to my beloved south pole? So what if the galaxy's not the only space between us? I don't care. I've already binded myself with one person, even if that person does not give a damn. At least we have a thing in common. It just makes me think of one long line in a story I read:
"You're scared, but I'll be here for you. Please, let me be the one to hold your
hand through the way. Let me be the one to stand by your side through the good
and the bad. Through the hard times and good times, I'll never abandon you. I
know there is little that I can offer you... since I know you hate me. It must
be irritating to have to see the one you hate so much each and every day, and if
you want, I'll even make it so that you won't have to see my face. You won't
have to hear my voice. But I'll stay close by, guarding you like an angel. You
can yell at me, and scold me all you want if it helps you. You can continue to
scream the hurtful and painful words to me until there is nothing left to say. I
stay. I'll listen. I won't talk back. I'll be like a good and obedient dog
tending to my master. Tell me you want to see me struck by lightening. Tell me
that you want to see me freeze under the cold snow. Tell me you want to see me
whipped until blood drips from my mouth. Tell me that you wish someone would run
me over with a car... with a bus... with a truck. Tell me that you want to shoot
me with a gun. Tell me that you want to pierce my heart with a stake while I
sleep. I'll love it if it's all that you could say to me. It'll be all that you
have to say to me. You don't have to say anything nice to me. You can say
whatever you like, and I'll make it all that I need to hear. I won't cry... I
won't throw you out. I'll take it. I'll live through all of it. Chastise me with
words of hate, and I'll make you everything that I have. You will be my whole
world, my cruel paradise of anguish and pain. Just as long as you are near by,
I'll be fine. Break me with words that would tear a wild stallion to pieces.
Stay with me. I'll worship you until the day God judges the world. You will be
all that I have."
See? It's really long. It's also meaningful, right? Quite summarizes what I want to say.
Hope you enjoy reading my post. Till next time :D
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