Goodbye to you

Sadness. It wonders me on how this simple word possess such a strong impact on one's life. No matter how it forms, it still gets through a lot of barriers and digs itself deep down inside the human flesh, down to the inner core of your soul.

It amazes me more as to how this feeble word weigh so heavy... destroy the very sane, and render you weak emotionally.

It took me a long time to realize my feelings for a certain fella. I never payed much attention to it at first, but at each passing day, the feelings go stronger and stronger, until I can't bear it anymore. I had to do something.

And so I did.

I gathered up my strength to finish what I needed to finished a long time ago. I picked up my YM and looked for a certain someone. Good thing that fella's online. And so, I had a little talk. I was in a public place and I was crying. Pathetic, right? I don't care.

Finally, it's done. The fella offered friendship. Of course, he can't offer something as strong as a commitment, since I know it's not possible, right? I am willing to accept the friendship, but of course, it hurts more, right? Being friends with someone you love and trying hard to supress the feelings that is slowly killing you by the minute.

And that's why I left. I don't want to feel more pain. I'm locking myself up, and I don't want to feel hurt anymore. I will leave, dwell in my own solitude...

If I would dwell in my own blood, let it be. I don't care. It doesn't matter anymore. I loved to much, and it's all a waste. I knew I was destined to lie a life full of pain, misery, solitude and anguish, yet I persisted on going against it. It was just not meant to be... and so, living a life of happiness is just not meant to be for me.

I ask forgiveness for this short entry, since I can't contain my tears any longer. My heart aches, both literally and figuratively. I do not mind if everyone's reading this, since I doubt you would understand. I left because I can't pretend to be okay anymore. I can't fake a smile anymore. I can't be so happy anymore... because I'm not broken and hurt... unloved and left alone...