Eye of the Storm

So much had happened during these past few days. No, I think 'a lot' would be an understatement. It's like a very big chapter worth fifty or more pages.

First big event of this week was the first long exam I had in my CMSC 150 (Scientific Computing) class. I studied a few hours before (4, I think) I took the exam... well, I only answered the sample problems. More on that later on.

Next event would be the storm. Yes, a very big one. Like, the storm (and possibly the debris) is literally knocking on the door. My room's floor was wet as hell, it was dark as if light never graced the world, and it was as cold as my soul. That, and it was scary as hell. Damn, it lasted for 3 days.

Next would be the lack of potable and 'bath-worthy' water. I can't fathom going to class without taking a bath... and like this hasn't occured before... It took me desperate (like, REALLY desperate) measures to take a bath. It's a very long story, and one that I'm not willing to share so much.

Last one would be my CMSC 127 (Database) exam, which I took last night. I only studied for like, two hours? I can't really say. I skimmed through the handouts (which I copied from a friend, thank God) like it's worth my life. I'm glad I've survived the whole ordeal.

Well, anyway, since the week isn't over... I'm hoping such plethora of misfortunes would not befall my life. Please, whoever handles my karma or whatnot, leave my life in good hands. Just give me some rest.

Hopefully, I would have my well-deserved rest soon... very soon.

Cellphone Update

Since I was able to have my phone fixed a few days ago, I'm placing a lot of videos on it. Lately, I've been spending hours just converting and saving a lot of files on it.

Nothing much to say at this point, since it's as boring as hell. I'm going to enroll tomorrow, so yeah... Laters.

ROFLMAO #1

I decided to fill in my blog with random things... random ROFLMAO things. For now, I'm going to start with pictures I found on the internet...
Not mine!

New Homepage

Yeah, I just changed the blog's theme and layout. I'm not a big fan of green, but I do like it when it's calming and when it suits well as a background. As for now, I'm going to edit my blog's content. I need to change everything else, organizing and all, and hopefully I have this blog up and running... not that it didn't.
Hopefully, I will be done before next week, so stay tuned. Leave a comment, if you will.

Message

To: All Furyan 100 Members

From: Minion #8

Subject: Moral Officer Duties

Howdy!

This is Amaterasu, currently Minion #8 and Moral Officer of Lord Ashaman. You are receiving this message because I need to exercise my duties as said officer... and the fact that I'm excited enough to squeal like a little girl seeing as this is the first time I'm going to send a blast.

First things first. For your information, guys, the Moral Department's job is to make sure the alliance is happy and bountiful. That is to say that our job is to make every member smile and their city depovertized.

For now, I'm going to request the following information. This is important! My lou is going to kill me if I can't get this!

Your (in game) Name:

Birthday:

Age:

Might:

# of Cities (With name):

Now, for the other thing. This is regarding the other duties (making everyone's city plump). Since we're not 24/7 online (despite my status ingame being forever online on rare occurences), PM me (Amaterasu) or my coMinion (Colino2tw) with the following details:

Subject: Resource request

Message:

Name of City

Coordinates of said city

Amount requested (specify specifically what type of resources)

NOTE: Please don't flood us! XD

Before I forget, you *might* receive PMs from us about anything random (how to do this and that, some random jokes or an event...)

Regarding contests, we (most probably me) might post a contest to all members of Furyan 100. Prizes would vary (sadly, your moral officers are poor in gems), but I dearly hope everyone participates.

With that said, I wish you guys a good day!

With love,

Amaterasu

Minion #8

To See That Light Once More

To see that light once more, I have stayed in darkness. For long, long years I have yearned to see the light that once flashed before me. Now the light avoids me to no end as I desperately chase on.

Woe onto me, one whose attempts are near futile. Why does it torment me so?

Call me as you call a blind man poor, or as you call a poor man an idiot. I cannot face away from the truth - I have been bound by the truths of Apollo, hence lies cannot touch my lips. I speak only of my passion - to refuse is harsh, to accept is immaculate.

Never deny a man his love, though have women been treacherous to thee and not all have been loyal, I swear by thee that I will not be led astray, I shall remain at your side.

Kindness, he went by; Fury, he remained a moment; Anguish, he kept me company; Despair, he holds me still.

Still that light continues to fade away from me. Very well, if it must be the will of the Gods, let us be star-crossed. If you were to leave me, then I shall spend the eternity alone. Be happy, thy light. Be the one who illuminates everything - erases shadows - and I shall be the darkness, the one that gazes from afar, away from your sight.

Burried Deep Within

Yeah, nabaon na sa limot.

Sigh.

It's been so long since I touched my multiply account. Musta n kaya siya, no? Wla lng akong masabing matino... hay.

Bottom line, I will be and still be very busy and tired, and might not be able to maintain my multiply account for a while. :D

I'm a Hierophant?

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

On a more serious note, the Hierophant is a symbol of moral law and convictions. He is also a welcomed advisor and spiritual guide. Positively associated with advice, wise counsel, spiritual consolation, knowledge, identification, faith, conformity, and traditions. Negatively associated with misinformation, lack of faith, deviousness, bad advice, confusion, and disorderly conduct.

Hierophant daw? Commonly, those who are of the Hierophant card are... most burdened with emotional problems. Well, ganun talaga.

What the FUCK was I thinking?

As the title suggests, what the fuck was I thinking?! I was typing my ass-made dream off into a blog, and to top that, even added the greatest jerk ever as a reader! Damn. I know I'm supposed to be strong and all, but damn. I'm already near breaking point.

And I allowed only a few friends to be able to read said rant. Damn! I need to get wasted... and laid. Getting wasted is top priority right now. Once I'm at the dorm again, I'm going to drink my ass off, cry about everything else, then ask my room mate to ease my suffering. And no, I'm not going to ask them to get me laid. Not even close. I'd just give them lots of weapons to choose from.

Sigh.

It's not helping. I couldn't even ask councelling from my room mates, for the following reasons:

1. I'm shy with asking help, especially when it comes to my own issues.

2. I don't want them to worry much.

3. I want them to enjoy the summer without them worrying about me.

4. I have no means of contact.

I lean towards reason #4. I mean, I had my phone dead for, like, 5 days straight. I couldn't even touch the charger! Damn. I couldn't even go online because the house needs me to do their every beck and call.

In short, I am deprived of rest. And alcohol. Definitely that.

And to those reading this, I need emotional support. Preferably personally delivered. I've been (semi)crying my eyes out this morning, and tonight won't be any better. My entire mind (neglect the biological processess, breathing and the likes) was clouded with thoughts like that! In short, I've been rendered retarded!

Damn.

Back to the title, What the FUCK was I thinking. That might bear repeating... WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING! I shouldn't have invited him to read that fucking entry!

Well, as if he's going to read it anyway. If he does read it, it's up to his close-minded, egoistic, bastardic, annoying persona to think of some out of this world thought.

And, if I might guess right, he would probably laugh his ass off, saying that I'm really, really dying of his attention. Which is, as you might've guessed, not true. Yes, it's not true. I have a life, kids. I don't breathe thoughts about him. I don't live by thinking of him. NEVER did he be a big part of my thoughts any day. Although it was my room mates whom I discuss the issues (and I was not always the one who initializes said discussion. Only a few times... Honestly!), I only partake because they [my room mates] annoy the hell out of my with accusations and such. And no, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Actually, it was quite fun, despite me being annoyed and pissed every now and then, but I guess they would say that it's quite normal for me to feel pissed and annoyed every now and then. They never did see me very angry (although on two popular occassions did they see me extremely agitated, and I think they're laughing their asses off because of what I write when I am angry), and hopefully they never will. I'm not exactly the nicest, if ever the most evil, person when angry. At least I minimally resort to dry humor.

I'm just rambling. Damn. Well, anyway, at least to those who are willing to share my sentiments, and would most likely to attend my funeral when social condemnation day comes, please send my regards. I really, really need your emotional support. In short, I need help. Serious help.

Realizations... or lack thereof

How can one really say that they're in love? What determines it? Is it when you now know that you are already missing something in your life, and that a person's existence will most probably complete it? When you know that person, the same one you know would complete your life, does that mean you're bound to fall in love with that person? Would you still consider it love if said person left and not return? Would you still claim that you love that person even if that person left you and ridiculed you, but you still miss that person nonetheless? Did you ever feel that you are so angry at that person that you'd wish them dead, tied on some tree with birds eating his mutilated body, yet you'd cry all night about it? For some, they might call it love, others, a simple delusion. I think like the former. When one cannot live without the existence of the other person, I call it love.

It has happened to me before, and I might be unaware of it happening now. BUt, nonetheless, it happened. I lost a person, a friend if you may, during my high school days. That person is still living, mind you, but in here, in my memory, that person no longer exists. He's just another fickle in my memory.

That aside, he, that lost friend, was what would ou call a 'rival' of some sort. We don't really get close to acads, but I still fight with him with answers. It was fun, those days. I admit, though, that I was immature (contrary to some bitches back then's delusion of me being retarded or autistic. Never in my life I've been diagnosed of them. Blame it for my lack of proper childhood), and that I am yet to develop people skills (again, please blame them to my lack of childhood). Nonetheless, it is, if it may, not a good reason to leave me behind.

I didn't even like him back then. I just had a serious lapse of 'I miss you' back when I was a college freshman. I knew back then that I wanted to see him because I've seen my other classmates except him. And a discrete refusal was what I got from him.

A few years later, still I did not erase the fact that I might be just missing the old times. However, it is not simply so, as said in my readings. I am, as bluntly put, 'In Love' with him. Ha! I couldn't imagine myself with a guy, much less than a stuck-up prick.

It's a good time to point out now that I was never gay. Sure, I'm effeminate (something I should blame on my genes), soft (a method I use so that I don't feel rude when speaking or anything related to human interaction), and blunt. Let me clarify that I only once fallen for only 1 male, and never another. That hardly counts for anything, correct?

Wrong.

Let me also clarify that I do not, as bluntly put, give a damn or a shit whether the person I love has boobs or not, or has tacos instead of hotdogs. I just don't give a damn. I mean, for what purpose does one love? I love a person because I want to give them my devotion. Nothing about that says I should love a woman or a man, if not both. I wasn't restricted. Even if the church or any religious person say that it is normal for men to love only women, according to the bible. Let me ask, who wrote the bible? Humans. For how long has the bible been written down? I don't really know, but I can guess it's some millenia ago. I can bet that those people who wrote the bible back then changed the meanings according to their understanding and beliefs. I don't really believe the bible (though I still believe parts of it), and I don't really care about the priests (because they are all condemned by their own beleifs. Hello? God loves all except homos? Where did that come from?) because they (at least some of them) are using religion as an excuse to condemn people because they don't like them.

Take the government for example. They partake in the decision of the government, but the government cannot partake in the decision of the religious sect of the country. How absurd. If I was president I'd give them a piece of my mind, saying that: "I don't give a damn about your corrupt sect. You guys are made up of people who use religion as an excuse to brainwash people thinking that the bible is the basic instruction before leaving earth, and that all those who do not follow are to be condemned to hell. What gives you the right who and who not to condemn to any insane place? You are a mere instrument to relay to the people the word of God, not to play the role of a delusioned dictator. God wants us to be happy, so we do what we can to be happy. To deny us that is a sin, is it not? To not be able to live life to the fullest because of some old school oldies is, in every sense, not good. What I hate the most are close-minded people because they are selfish and inconsiderate of other's opinions. If you cannot accept them, then you aren't fit to be a religous leader"

Well, back to me and my blatant adoration. Two of my blog posts before contains anger in them. It was because of an event that had occured between him and my friend. Since then I never bothered to think about him for a second.

But that's the weird thing. Today, I dreamt of crying because of that. Funny thing is, he was there, kneeling in front of my, talking to me. By gestures, I know he's trying to calm me down while talking. The disturbing part of it is that he hugged me by getting on top of me (I was laid down on my right side)! It wasn't as nearly romantic as I thought it would be, but it did calm me down. At any case, the fact that I was crying in my sleep and the fact that I found out I was also crying in reality was what rendered me to write this blogpost. Really. It was then I found out that after all of that fiasco (the even between him and my friend), I still like him.

Funny that, he doesn't like me back. It's not even close to positive.

If, by some freak force of nature, he is reading this, then I must say thanks, since he did gave his time into reading this rant. And yeah, despite calling my feelings as a simple act of fandom, or in your words me being "patay-na-patay", I still like you. Although, as aforementioned, I would curse you to death, I would never enjoy it and probably pray you to be okay. Funny person I am, really. I just honestly don't get what aspect of you do I find attractive. I'm not attracted to you physically, that's for sure. Even with my female friends saying how attractive you are, I say to them, "Really, now?" because I don't really believe the claim. Not that you're ugly and all, but because I don't give a damn about looks. I once took home a girl as I introduced her to mom, and I know she's not that pretty, but I ended it anyway. She was really bitchy at times... even more than me.

At any case, if you're really reading this, I say my thanks. I'm not praying that you'd like me back, never. I don't try to drown myself in some fantasy. I just hope that one day, there'd be a time when I can now not worry about this anymore, and still be happy.